dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
