So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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