just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
