I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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