Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
