Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize