shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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