If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
