I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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