i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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