If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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