You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
