12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
