you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
