Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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