we're blogging at a bar
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
