...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
