theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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