she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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