my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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