This girl is more easily done than said...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize