You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's great music for shaving your balls
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
