i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
