I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
