they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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