Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
