I think I am morally bankrupt
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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