you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
