finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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