Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
