you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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