I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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