12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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