We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
