dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
