I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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