It's like God shit irony all over that family
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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