I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
