Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
