Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
