well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They have beer where we have blood.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
