Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
