She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
