hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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