I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
