im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He better not be in your backpack
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
