and you said cock pushups were impossible
My underwear smells like fireworks.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
