I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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