Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
