I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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