No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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