You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
