the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
