Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
