smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
