I just saw a hot homeless man
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
only you would photoshop your dick
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
