So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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