So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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