saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize