so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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