Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
