If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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