I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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