If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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