How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize