I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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