You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize