You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
