hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
