Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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