Just cropdusted the office
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
