Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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