i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize