I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
