I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
